I’m Back!
1I don’t suspect that anybody actually ever reads this blog, but if there’s anybody who does and somehow doesn’t know me personally then they probably deserve to know where I’ve been since July.
Basically, over the summer I started to lose some of the feeling in my right hand. I feared the worst initially — the dreaded carpal tunnel — but it soon turned out that it was something a little more manageable. Years of bad posture had lead to a couple of trapped nerves in my neck.
Things are all fine and dandy now thanks to a course of physiotherapy, regular exercise and that sort of thing, but whilst it was going on I was ordered to take a break from my computer and am only now getting back into the swing of things.
I’m back into moderating and playing games, and have recently started to develop my third year project, so expect updates galore!
Dell 2408WFP
0Today I received my third Dell 2408 in as many days. The other two had to be returned because of issues with a pink band down the left hand side of the screen, but it seems as though this one is finally free of that fault.
But I’ve got to hand it to Dell; their customer service and tech support are incredible. Far from being treated like an idiot or somebody causing a fuss, both faulty screens were swapped out the next morning at no cost to me.
This is exactly the kind of service I’d expect given I bought a £420 screen and I am not disappointed.
Condemned 2: Bloodshot
0
Condemned was easily one of my favourite Xbox release games; before I managed to get hold of a copy I played the demo over and over again, alternating between drooling and shitting myself like an old-age pensioner.
It’s no surprise, then, that I was really looking forward to the release of Condemned 2: Bloodshot. Luckily, it lived up to my expectations.
For those not familiar with the series, the last game was focused on Ethan Thomas, a police officer plagued by weird visions at a time when the city is under siege by the homeless and a serial killer named X is on the loose. He makes a return as the protagonist of the sequel also, although he has since become homeless himself and tried to cut his ties with the organisation.
Condemned 2 sees him reunited with his forensic tools and partner Rosa, as Serial Killer X is somehow back on the loose and killing again.
The gameplay is dark and incredibly scary, the majority of the game seeing you walk down twisting corridors with nothing but a flashlight for company. The battle system has been entirely re-worked — though the focus is still on physical attacks and ammo is still rare — such that the left and right triggers control Ethan’s left and right fists respectively. Pull both to block, or press them in certain orders to pull of combo attacks for extra damage.
That said, the battle system still doesn’t seem to be that much of a leap over any other FPS. The main thing that makes Condemned 2 shine is its forensics system. In the previous game, forensics consisting of following on-screen displays and pointing Ethan in the right direction to spot a clue, but this system has been given a complete overhaul. If you come across a body, for example, you may be asked to identify the murder weapon, analyze the blood spatter or ask Rosa some worthwhile questions.
The forensics does, unfortunately, tail off towards the end of the game to focus on plot and fighting, but this comes across as acceptable and realistic since it is unlikely anybody would have the time to pull out forensic tools and carry out an investigation whilst being chased by what I can only describe as zombie tramps.
The only other issue with Condemned 2 is the storyline twist. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say that I personally didn’t mind it. Basically, the game offers up an explanation as to why the homeless are being controlled (and by whom) as well as why Ethan is able to see them. The way it’s handled isn’t for everybody, but without spoiling the ending I can only recommend to try it and see.
For some reason, since I bought it it has gone down to £25 in most major UK retail shops. If you’ve got a 360 and enjoyed the original game, or just like FPS, then it’s probably a pretty worthwhile investment.
GTA IV
0What can I say? It’s everything that I expected and more.
Niko Bellic, a man from “Europe” with a thick accent, arrives in Liberty City to find “that special someone”; somebody from his past with whom he has a score to settle. As with previous games, the journey there is filled with stealing cars, shooting people in the head and running away from the police.
The bulk of the game introduces nothing new, but there are two new features that stand out. The first is the branching storyline, which makes a huge difference; within the first 20 or so minutes of play I’d already made a decision that introduced an extra mission and new dialogue.
The second is the “dating” mechanic, which allows you take out your friends — or potential girlfriends — and play almost-fun mini-games with them. Bowling, darts, pool, strip clubs… There’s lots to do and sure, it’s a nice distraction from the storyline, but unfortunately the game chooses to thrust these dates in your face rather than let you explore them on your own time.
Every time I try to quit I get a call from my in-game friends on my in-game phone saying “Want to play darts?” I want to say “No, not really” but then my score would go down. It’s almost as though the game doesn’t want me to stop playing. It’s like a fucking MMO.
It takes about 30 hours to complete the main storyline, around 10 – 20 more to complete the various sidequests and the 360 version of the game promises exclusive episodic content to come. Unfortunately, anybody hunting for achievements will feel the 30 hours as more of a restriction than a recommendation.
The “Liberty City Minute” achievement is awarded for completing the game in under 30 hours, so it often doesn’t feel like you’re allowed to take your time, explore the city or make mistakes. It’s a real shame, since the world deserves to be appreciated and its often hard to see its beauty when you’re desperately taxi-hopping to get to your next destination.
Telling you to buy this game would be a waste of time, because I know you’ve got it already. I just hope that you didn’t buy it for the PS3.
Chris & John Meal: Pizza
2Today is Tuesday, and that means it’s a “Chris & John Meal”; the rest of my housemates go away or don’t eat on Tuesdays, so we get an opportunity to experiment with interesting food.
Behold the greatest pizza I have ever eaten:
The picture isn’t brilliant, since it was taken on a phone and the lighting was funny, but there you go. Oh, and it’s uncooked, obviously.
Ingredients:
- Pizza base x 1
- Tinned tomatoes x 1
- 125g of salami
- 60g of chorizo
- 3 chillis (sliced)
- 1 Pepper (diced)
- Lots of cheese (grated)
- Garlic puree
- Pepper
- Mixed herbs
- Hot sauce!
Recipe:
- Mix the tomatoes, garlic puree, pepper and mixed herbs in a bowl and spread over the pizza base.
- Sprinkle about half of the grated cheese on top.
- Slicing the salami into squares, lay it on top of the cheese until almost all of it is hidden.
- Lay the chorizo slices on top as well.
- Sprinkle the diced pepper and chillis over the pizza.
- Drizzle the hot sauce over everything to taste.
- Top it off with another layer of grated cheese.
- Finally, pop it in the oven for about 20 minutes.
We originally cooked two, but it turned out we could only manage about half each. More for tomorrow, I guess… XD
Grand Designs Live
0It’s not often that I am so appalled by something I see on TV that I feel the need to rant, but Grand Designs Live really does deserve everything that I’m about to say about it. For anybody familiar with Grand Designs — a program on Channel 4 that shows people building luxury houses — the premise sounds exciting; the brilliant presenter Kevin McCloud building an eco-friendly house live on TV.
But it couldn’t have been more wrong. For a start it wasn’t even “live”; the vast majority of the program was pre-recorded and fronted by “celebrities” with annoying voices and seemingly little-to-no knowledge of architecture or design, with Kevin McCloud offering brief commentary in between segments. If that wasn’t bad enough, the “commentary”‘s only purpose was to remind us that we could waste 25p on voting for one of three houses we’ve never seen to win the Grand Designs “conversion of the year award”. Seriously…who cares!?
For me and my housemates, who watch Grand Designs regularly, watching Kevin McCloud demean himself by pretending he doesn’t know how to build with straw bales or pretending he’s best friends with Bill Bailey was just cringeworthy. Who was Channel 4′s target audience? If it wasn’t fans of the show, I don’t know who it could be; nobody else is going to stop watching the soaps or a film to watch somebody they’ve never heard of build a house.
The whole thing reeked. A desperate cry for money and attention, it came across as nothing more than a sad amalgamation of an awards ceremony and celebrity has-been conference with a David Blaine impersonation thrown in for good measure.
What the hell was Channel 4 thinking?
The 24 Hour Clock
1Ever since the release of Kubuntu 8.04, I’ve been spending quite a bit of time in #kubuntu and #kubuntu-kde4 whilst trying to get to grips with the new UI. If none of the things I’ve just said make any sense, you should check out the Kubuntu webpage.
What surprises me is that the most common question I’ve seen is not “How do I configure my GTK applications to use my KDE4 theme?” or “How do I run the system settings module as root?” but “How do I replace my 24 hour clock with a 12 hour one?”
Perhaps even more shockingly, I saw somebody clarify they didn’t want a 24 hour clock “because they live in America”. Reading 24 hour time is second nature for me and has been ever since I was a child; is it really that rare outside of Europe?
I find it hard to believe that anybody would even want a 12 hour clock; times aren’t ambiguous if you forget to say “morning” or “afternoon” after them, and you know that when you set an alarm it’s going to go off at the right 07:00.
Please comment if you think you can explain why America seems to think that the 24 hour clock is reserved for Europeans and the military.
Mario Kart Wii
0
Mario Kart Wii is just one of those games that every Wii owner has to have and one of those games that we’ve been waiting for ever since Nintendo announced they were developing a new console.
Thankfully, it lives up to the hype.
It’s pretty typical of a karting game; you take control of one of your favourite Mario characters, drive around some tracks and make use of the various items dotted around the track to speed yourself up or slow other people down. I know what you’re thinking — been there, done that — and you’d be right; the newest addition to the Mario Kart franchise doesn’t really make any groundbreaking changes.
So why is it so brilliant? A couple of reasons, really; the first is the Wii Wheel (or Wiil) which is nothing more than a white plastic wheel you sit your Wiimote in. Controlling your kart is then as simple as holding 2 to accelerate and turning the wheel just as you’d expect. Not only is Mario Kart the first driving game that my grandma has expressed interest in playing, but its the first she’s been able to pick up and play without listening to a series of complex instructions first.
Secondly, the sheer size of it and the number of things to do. There are now 8 cups of 4 tracks each; 4 cups of brand new tracks and 4 “retro” cups featuring the best tracks from the N64, GCN and DS versions of the game. 50cc, 100cc and 150cc make welcome returns with the added ability to use bikes as well as karts in the higher difficulty modes. Almost every gold cup unlocks something, be it the next cup, a new racer, new kart or new bike and even when you’re done there are still a great number of unlockables for beating the developer times on Time Trial.
But what makes Mario Kart really interesting is the various online modes over the Nintendo Wi-Fi connection. Battle is and always has been a bit pants in my opinion, but playing a series of Grand Prix races against a mixture of your friends and people from all around the globe is just incredible. Hitting somebody with a red shell or pushing them off the course becomes all the more satisfying when you know that half way around the world there is somebody cursing in another language.
So, if for some reason you haven’t already, go and buy a copy of Mario Kart Wii. Hell, buy a Wii if you don’t have one. £25 for an incredible multiplayer game with a Wiil included? You can’t get much better than that.
Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles: Ring of Fates
0
FFCC: Ring of Fates is Square Enix’s newest RPG for the DS. Like most RPGs there is a single player mode in which you control a party of heroes battling to save the world, but there is also a multiplayer mode in which your party consists of you and three friends — each with their own DS and gamecard.
Unfortunately for me, I don’t know anybody else with a DS and gamecard, so this review is only going to be concerned with the game’s single player mode. I think it’s a shame that the game doesn’t make use of the DS’ WiFi connection to allow internet play, but given that even single player appears to lag sometimes it might not have been entirely plausible.
Though it shares its name with the original GameCube Crystal Chronicles, Ring of Fates does away with much of what was staple gameplay. Gone are the caravans, the miasma streams, the dungeons that need to be visited several times a year and the chalice that must be carried to keep your characters from dying. What remains are the four tribes, namely Clavat, Yuke, Lilty and Selkie. Each of these tribes has their own statistical benefits and attack types — Yuke are mages, for example — but this game introduces several tribal abilities that make use of the DS touchscreen and are used to solve puzzles.
The story follows two twins, Yuri and Chelinka, in their fight to avenge their father and save the world along the way. You’ve no choice about character here; Yuri is a Clavat and there’s no way to change it. Luckily your party eventually grows to contain one member of each tribe, with you choosing which character to control, but this doesn’t always work as well as it should.
What I’m sure makes for brilliant team play just doesn’t work in single player. Take the frequently occurring situation of having to cast two spells simultaneously to unlock a door, for example. With two or more people it is simply a case of designating one person to each spell and releasing the cast button at the same time — simple. When you’re playing alone, however, this becomes a case of lining one spell up, pressing L, lining the other spell up, releasing the cast button and then hammering the L button and hoping the other spell casts in time. Whilst in multiplayer your friends would continue hammering away at the boss, or heal you if you were injured, your AI teammates just stand around aimlessly, absorbing damage and dying until you take control of them yourselves.
Perhaps a direct result of this terrible AI, the game is far too easy. Despite getting lost in one of the dungeons, it only took around 11 hours to complete, and I only experienced one Game Over (during the last boss fight). At the end of every boss — bar perhaps one or two — my Yuri was the only character still living. More frustrating still, the only times that my character ever got into trouble and occasionally died were those when I was attempting to revive my party or keep them still to heal them.
I understand that lots of people found the original Crystal Chronicles dull and incredibly slow-paced, but it has always been a firm favourite of mine. As nice as this may be — and as interesting as the story can be at times — it just doesn’t compare.
Ring of Fates is a brilliant concept that hasn’t been executed as well as it could have been and, for that reason, I wouldn’t suggest buying it unless you know somebody else willing to play it with you. The single player alone just isn’t worth £25.
Lost Odyssey
0Lost Odyssey is the newest RPG by Mistwalker, the creators of Blue Dragon, and features box art that looks suspiciously similar to Level 5′s Rogue Galaxy. But that is where the faults stop.
The game follows an immortal named Kaim Argonar who, for reasons unknown to you at the beginning of the game, is suffering from amnesia. Clichéd as this starting point may seem, it is Kaim’s amnesia that makes the game so interesting.
Whilst exploring the various towns and dungeons, there are certain events that may trigger a memory which can be watched straight away or saved until the next time you visit an Inn. Essentially short stories presented against beautiful artwork, these tell the story of Kaim’s life and explore the many downsides of living for 1000 years.
There are several other immortals in the game, some of whom will join your party and some who will become your enemies, but with the exception of three sequences only Kaim’s memories can be recovered. Having a party composed of both mortals and immortals is certainly an interesting game mechanic; the immortals can only learn skills from their equipment or by observing mortal characters, whilst mortals cannot learn skills from equipment but instead when they level up. In order to find all the skills and make the most of your immortal characters, you’re going to have to use the mortal ones as well — sorry.
Whilst other reviews have shot the game down for using random battles and a relatively standard turn-based battle system, I see no problem in using a tried and tested formula — especially when it is pulled off so well. Since at least half of your characters can mix and match skills as they please, with a maximum of 30 skill slots, your party really is what you make of it. An added level of customisability comes with the inclusion of the Ring system; holding the right trigger during a physical attack causes two circles to line up and, with the right timing, unleashes an added effect — anything from elemental damage to instant death.
Graphically speaking, I was blown away. Spread across a massive four DVDs, the game makes full use of pre-rendered cutscenes and spoken dialogue throughout its 60 hours of gameplay, and simple things like characters crying, muttering to themselves or pulling faces really make the game that much more interesting.
The screenshot below is an example of the in-game graphics:
I could talk for hours and hours about how much I love this game, how much I’m looking forward to playing it again and how much I think other people should buy it, but even with the game’s story in mind it’s probably not a good idea to keep this review going on and on forever.
As fanboyish as this may sound, never have I been so emotionally moved by a game since Final Fantasy VII. Mistwalker obviously have the right idea, and I can’t wait to see what they come up with next.

